i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
