just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
