in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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