You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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