i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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