My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
