When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
