I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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