So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize