Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
