Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
