Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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