he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
