i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
