Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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