ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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