I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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