So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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