Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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