i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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