nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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