I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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