You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
