oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize