I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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