You really coming over, don't trick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize