i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
