tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
