Having a random hookup so left but love u
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
