You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
