she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
