ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
