I got chris browned last night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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