If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
