Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
