one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
