I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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