Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
