you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
