And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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