what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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