Cold hands, warm shart.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
