I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
