Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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