I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
