It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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