He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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