I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
