Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
