Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
