We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
