the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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