My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i think my cat just said my name.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
