I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
