Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
