Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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