Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
