How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
