I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What drink are we having for lunch?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
