Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
