I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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