When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
