News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize