"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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