I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
