I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
