Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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