Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
