Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
