why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
