Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
