My first STD was from a foam party
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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