I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I see more hoeing in ur future
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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