You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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