I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
