the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
