I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
