I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
