It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
