You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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