eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
