maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
