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So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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