Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
