ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
