This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
