Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Randomize
