Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
