Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
