last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
BRING THE BAGELS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
