due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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