I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
