I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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