I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
