Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
