I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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