dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
