Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
