he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
