HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
