I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
well you can't waste a boner
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
this is an emotional support booty call
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize