Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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