I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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