Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
