how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
