I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
