Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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