Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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