Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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