Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
