I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
