I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
