All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
