So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
