Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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