Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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